What is it with my creations that has me throwing up my hands and sending them to their rooms?
I'm talking about my children of course . . . although my characters could use a healthy dose of grounding as well. They make messes of everything, what can I say? For example: my two holy terrors (Thing 1: age 4, Thing 2: age 2) managed to tornado through the house, while I was innocently immersed in a particularly difficult scene of RISK involving some semi-automatic rifles and several incendiaries, and they accomplished the following:
Empty the fridge, feed (and I do mean FEED) the dogs, eat an entire package of individually wrapped German gummy bears + two packets of gum, build a fort out of every blanket and pillow in the house, giggle at the farting sound coming out of the shampoo bottle while they emptied it into the bathtub, stink up the house (okay that was Thing 2 who is relapsing with the whole potty-training thing), paint beautiful murals on my walls with pens, markers, pencils and crayons, scatter the ratchet set and unshelve the books on the bookshelves.
I'm pretty sure there was more than that but my brain shorted out. I was left gaping, gawping and honestly there might have been tears.
Now would you believe while my children were pitter-pattering through the house with their cute little feet and obliterating everything they touched with their cute little hands, my characters were actually doing just the opposite? I know, shocker. Usually it's my characters throwing bullets around as though they were just words on a page and making people bleed thereby forcing me to write a completely different plot line just to get them out of it. But no. They took their rebelliousness and sent it out through the radio waves and possessed my children with their dark and violent tendencies. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh but my characters have been just so well behaved. I mean, this one guy was totally beating up my main character and said-main-character reminded me that she'd been beaten up a lot recently and so we mellowed it out some. Such fun. What a darling.
Apparently I'm not allowed a balance. Either the characters suffer or my house does. Coming up here to the climax of my Work in Progress, I think it's time to send the demon's residing in my children packing back off into the characters. Demonic characters are much more exciting and interesting then demonic children.
Oh and I vow not to have the radio up so loud next time I check out of reality and go wandering around in my manuscript. Apparently the radio waves are demonic conductors for the utter and irreversible possession of children. Demons, stay! Character's, you're grounded. Thing 1 and Thing 2 . . . *sung in the voice of your favorite pop star* Clean up! Clean up! Everybody do your share! Clean up! Clean up! Giant messes everywhere!!
P.S. Just before I was able to hit "publish" on this post, the delightful tinkle of shattering glass was heard from the kitchen. Seriously, no joke. Now, a moment of silence for my favorite vase.